Lament for Joy
God, what I hold now is the source of my capacity for both despair and joyous, creative inspiration.
And I am told there are ways of controlling it. Of taking it away. But then I look at history. At the community of Saints. And I think that the miraculous thing about creativity and inspiration is that I have no clue where it comes from. The scary, terrifying thing is that I have no clue where it will come from tomorrow. And so, is the despair worth it? Worth the joy of inspiration?
I might have to say, contrary to our prozac-world that I would take a thousand despairs for a single joy…a single new song. A single poetic tabernacle of excellent words. An opportunity to love.
And maybe I really would sit in purgatory until all souls turned to you.
But do I really mean that? Could I ever truly be honest in coming to you with that from within me? That is too deep for me to know about myself. Search my heart and show me all willingness and resignation present there. Show me the source of these things, for You are good.
