Archive for 'Other'
Gray Hairs in Autumn
“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am the One, I am the One who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”
Isaiah 46:4
I long to grow old and cherish moments, not as I ought, but as I can. I long to enter into every season with appreciation, joy, and acceptance of the unknown things; unknown deep things that will bring me to myself, to God, and to others.
Autumn is my final crucible of time. It is not that I am afraid of death. With death come blazing beauty, color, and a witness of humility and divine yielding in the falling leaves that is second only to Christ in the garden, in the courtyard, on the cross.
It is the decomposing, muddy, wet, cold and smelly mass that come after the initial willingness to fall. The three days. The forty days. The forty years.
I hate waiting for the snow to fall and cover things over. I hate waiting for the spring to come and bring growth again. I hate waiting in the shit-smell of decomposing life.
This is the Body of Christ. No one wants to be the colon of Christ. “I would rather be your heart, your head, your eyes, your hands!”
But oh the glory of Autumn! Oh the glory of the blazing leaves that all together declare, “Yes, Lord, let us fall as you have us fall!”
Oh God, make me the blazing leaf of Autumn! Must I pass through this? Yes, we all must. Some more than others.
And I believe that on that night in the garden, the olive leaves themselves fell to pad the knees of our tormented Lord and to catch the bloody tears that would mix with the anointing oil to redeem us the next morning.
So I must grit my teeth and though I know that Christ calls me to his heart, I am now his appendix, the small, misunderstood, seemingly meaningless problem-child of human anatomy. And as I wait to be something other than I am I remain where I have been asked to be; in both the hope and patient tormented waiting for what God has promised to reveal and make real.
Veni, Veni: Reprise
I just thought we could mull over this time together. I wrote this last year and thought I’d post it again:
Veni, Veni Emmanuel – A Thought For Advent
A Return of Sorts
My friends, I apologize for having neglected this for so long. I am finally finding myself coming out of the wilderness of a creative dry spell into the Promised Land of creative contemplation.
However, as the busyness of the dry and mundane once kept me from updating here, the busyness of the creative and vivacious has furthered the hiatus. I am happy to say that I am on the cusp of having a Christmas album of sorts finished, in my hands. As soon as that happens I promise you will have it in your ears!
And so, as you wait for and anticipate new posts and music, turn your contemplation toward the Advent season in anticipation and waiting for the Divine to be incarnated, in the past, in the future, and in the very present self.
Nation
Barack Obama was elected as 44th President of the United States today. This is a momentous occasion, not only for people of color, but for all Americans. We are in the process of redefining “The American Dream” and our very essence as a nation. We are also one step closer to completely confronting our past and letting our history become our history. The scars on the backs of generations of Americans are being healed and possibly redeemed. Honesty, integrity, and unity, above all virtues, seem to be on the verge of making a comeback, taking their place once again at the head of this nation.
Father, I ask that your will be done in this. I thank you for what I see to be a great victory in American and world history. If I am wrong, reveal yourself to me. Bless us as a nation and compel us to bless others, even our enemies. Bless President Obama with your wisdom and your grace. Give us the strength to bless him with grace and patience.
It is a momentous occasion for me. I took part in my first major election. It happened to be quite possibly the most historical election since that of George Washington, and you just so blessed me to play a significant part and for it to play a significant part of my life.
It is also a momentous occasion for the world at large. May we not see ourselves as police or rulers, but as brothers and sisters. When “genocide” is spoken, compel us to act, not out of governmental obligation or financial incentive, but out of reaction to the bits of evil present in our world as well as Your Image present as well.
Let us remember that peace begins in the heart. Let us remember that evil begins and ends in the soul of humanity.
Free will grants us a choice between selflessness and selfishness. Humility and pride. Love and evil. May we look to you always and make the TRUE decision.
Saddleback Civil Forum with Barack Obama and John McCain
On Saturday, August 16th, Pastor Rick Warren, one of the most influencial evangelical leaders in the nation, hosted Senators Barack Obama and John McCain at the Saddleback Civil Forum. The two, hour-long interviews consisted of identical questions being asked of each candidate, focusing entirely on the role of faith in their political beliefs and leadership.
Very Much
It has been a while since I have updated this. In the past few months much has happened in my life. In the past few weeks much has happened in my life. In the past few days, much has happened in my life.
But what is most important is not the plurality of events, but the single solid fact that God has been in it all. He has continuously proved Himself faithful and present. He has spoken and revealed Himself to me. He has landed on me and said “Take these words and write them down.”
There is too much to tell of right now. Some of it may never be told here or to you at all.
I have been to Mexico and back. That proved to be a life-changing experience. The previous trips I had taken were all amazing in some way or another, but this trip was different. Things were shown to me that will never go away.
God calls us. “Come to me.” This is the gospel. And yet it is so hard. But God does not give up on us. He sees in us what there truly is, on the deepest level. Deeper than what we can see in ourselves. He calls us to Him. We may follow for a while and find the task difficult, or ourselves unworthy, and revert to our old lives. But He comes to us again. “Come to me.” And maybe we follow and fail again. He does not give up on us. He knows we can do it. He trusts. He hopes. He gives us chances. This is love.
Christ calls us as fishers, but makes us shepherds. Too often we never think beyond “Well, God called me to do this and so I will use my gifts to do this work.” We forget that God wants us to develop, to change. He wants to give us new gifts. And He has throughout our lives! We act like an eight-year old child who is so enamored with the toys received for her birthday that she forgets the birthdays before and the many, many more to come.
And sometimes we think that hardship is what produces growth. But growth only comes from the Holy Spirit. Nowhere else can it be found. And the Holy Spirit works not to produce hardship in our lives (that is only a tool), but joy.
Joy must not thought of as synonymous with happiness. Far from it. Joy is the realization of God’s love and grace in our lives. Much joy exists in the hardest times of our lives. Maybe even most joy. When we suffer, God suffers with us. This is love.
And then there are those brief moments in our lives where all of eternity is seen. For some of us these are few and far between. For some of us they happen daily. For some of us, they have yet to be witnessed. But in these moments we see that somehow “this all matters.” We see that “God is in this.” What I do here affects those around me and the rest of my life. Maybe for some of us these are convicting moments. For some of us, they are joyful. But it is a change of perspective. Sometimes God speaks in them and tells us what to do. Sometimes God hides His face and whispers to us. Sometimes it is up to us to have faith and trust that the way we are interpreting these events is correct and that God is speaking to us.
And I wonder if Jesus lived in this state of eternity. God gives us glimpses of this, but Jesus lived and breathed it. And I wonder if this is where the idea that the Kingdom of God is here but not yet here comes alive. If we try our best to live, only though God, in this state of seeing Eternity in the moment, the Kingdom of God can be seen.
So those are just some thoughts. Maybe it makes sense. I would love to talk about it.
I am still very confused and conflicted about many things in my life. Many of them I am able to see as fairly insignificant. A few of them, however, seem so huge and important I don’t know what to do. So I ask God for wisdom.
I don’t want advice from others. I only want wisdom from God. And often God speaks through others and I need to remember that.
Love is patient.
Tired
Oh God how have I become so cynical toward some people? I hate this feeling. I hate talking about others:
“Whisper, whisper…UGH! Whisper.”
It is a cancer that grows and grows.
Sure they do it. They all do it. They do it about me. But this is not their problem, it is mine. I am the one doing these things and therefore it is the greatest evil.
I don’t like feeling this way.
Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me
Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me
Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me
MLK
So on Friday, Mike and Jack and I left for Mike’s house in Bend. We got here around 5 at it was awesome. The whole house to ourselves.
There was a little snow on the ground and we just hung out.
On Saturday we went to Mt. Bachelor and just hung out for a little in the snow and such then came back and played a few games of Monopoly, watched movies, all that.
Today we went out for breakfast. It has been a good day. But then it started snowing a lot more. It was awesome and all, but then at 9:45 we were going to go see a movie. There was like 6 inches on the ground. We pulled out of the driveway and started down the hill and then the back just slammed into the curb. So we decided it wasn’t smart to drive 5 minutes to the movie theater. So we went back, played Monopoly, took pictures in the snow, and now we’re watching Planet Terror.
I hope we get out tomorrow. We might get snowed in…
But happy MLK Day. It is a good day for all of us.
2008 – ????
The new year has started.
Someone asked me if I had made any resolutions, but I said no. I think this was mainly due to the fact that I had not made any resolutions, but also partly because I really had no interest in talking about it at the time. I think that if I had made a resolution, I really wouldn’t have wanted to talk about it to anyone casually, just because that would be like typical New Years talk.
“How was your break?”
“Oh, it was great.”
“Oh yeah? Do anything special?”
“Not really. Just hung out with family and friends. You?”
“Oh you know. Family and friends…Christmas.”
“Oh yeah, totally. Sweet.”
“Sweet…so how was New Years?”
“Oh it was cool, just hung out with friends.”
“Yeah, nice. Make any resolutions?”
“No.”
“Oh…”
“…”
“…well-”
“Hey I’ve gotta go to class, sorry”
“Oh yeah, totally, yeah me too…ok-”
“Ok well…”
“Yeah, dude you too.”
“Yeah, later.”
“Ok.”
This is how I know the semester has begun.
I am now a week into it and I think I’m terrified. More so than I have been in past semesters. I think this may be a good thing because it may mean that I will take everything a bit more seriously. There isn’t much room for slacking off so it looks promising. Now whether a promise of good grades or bad grades, I do not yet know, but I am hoping and working for the former.
This is the first semester that I am taking all major classes except for one, and two of them meet off campus at a coffee shop in town. So far I am extremely glad. Even though this means reading many, many words very, very slowly and being in a classroom until 10p.m. on Wednesdays, it is going to be an exciting semester.
I have Social Theory, which is going to be so incredible I can barely contain myself. The roster has whittled down so much this week that now there are only 9 people a class designed for 25+. It is perfect.
I also have Philosophy of the Arts. I don’t think need to say to much more about this, but if you are reading this, chances are you know me well enough to see that I was practically made to take this class.
I am also taking the Problem(s) of Evil. Riveting.
Then I have Free Will. I would rather not think about this right now because it is the weekend. But despite the enormous workload and mental capacity required for the digestion of the subject matter, this course is already fascinating.
Then I am continuing with Greek.
I think that is all. Nothing too thought provoking, but it’s 2:04 a.m. Goodnight.
it’s never too late for Advent
